Foundations

I was thinking about this last night after I got home from work and as I see it as a valid point, it's as good a time as any to address it.

No, I haven't found "God" and that is not the catalyst for the about-face I've done.

When people ask me why I don't subscribe to Judeo-Christian/Catholic religious philosophy (i.e. why have I not accepted Jesus as my personal savior yet), my response is pretty cut and dry.

It just doesn't work for me.

Being a longtime atheist, there is also the generalization that I believe in Satan and that I consider people who lean on faith to get through their issues to be somehow diseased or delusional.

Hate to disappoint you, but that's not me either.

I understand the need for faith and to believe in a God or Messiah. Truly, I get it, and I don't hold it against anyone who utilizes it to better themselves. Everybody needs something and it would be incredibly arrogant of me to presume the rest of the world is wrong and I'm somehow right because I'm not a believer.

Now I will admit, the development of extreme fundamentalism in Christianity in the United States during my lifetime and the politicalization and weaponization of both it and Islam are heavy factors in my inability to just fall in line with what their "messages" are. But that's my choice. In my heart, I'm a cynic. I look at the world and see a lot of things wrong with it which the greater masses choose to ignore and some (not all) say the only solution is to put our collective faith in a "God" and that will solve everything.

With respect to their views on the matter, I just can't do that either.

Which brings me why I'm writing this post. What I found wasn't a "higher power," but rather, I found an internal one.

I found Me. The real Me. Not the distorted, twisted construct that I've considered myself to be for most of my life, but a more three-dimensional human being again, and I didn't do it alone.

I've always been interested in Asian culture, history and philosophy, and a few years ago I began reading about Taoism and Buddhism (especially Zen Buddhism). Their lessons on being able to change one's self from within connected with me in what I can imagine the Bible or Koran do with Christians or Muslims looking for guidance, wisdom or direction.

It also wasn't some grand revelation and thinking I'd somehow been "saved." It was more along the lines of "Wow, I get this, and it seems to get me." And the most appealing part is I can practice and study it under the radar. I don't have to go to church every Sunday, nor do I have to pray twice a day. I don't need to "testify," put bumper stickers on my car, or try to convince others why I'm going to Heaven now.

If I need to do some studying, it's there. If I need to do some meditation to clear my mind and refocus, I can. If I want to talk with friends about it and impart some of what I've learned, that's okay. I find that both exciting and incredibly liberating.

Now does this mean I'm going to start donning monk's robes, meditating in the street or spouting off "Confucious say" all the time? I certainly hope not, and please slap me if I do.

But in order to rebuild a home or a skyscraper, sometimes you need to tear it down to the foundation and start over so it will stand up to everything that will try to knock it down. I realized I needed a new foundation.

Please pardon the dust.