The times where my Yang would mount a comeback, like a dictator overthrown in a rebellion and determined to make a last-ditch, all-out effort to reclaim the power they believe is rightly theirs.
This last weekend was an interesting test of my resolve. As I wrote on Saturday night, when I actually should have been asleep, I was angry about being in the middle of what was a truly ludicrous situation.
Someone who'd been a good friend decided I was now an enemy because I called her out on her own self-loathing and lack of motivation in her life, and for reasons that defy logic, she tried to pull in my best friend from college, (whom I had a major falling out with about two years ago) into our argument.
*Editorial Note: It took me nearly ten minutes to write that last sentence because every time I tried to come up with the most concise way of explaining it, I actually broke out laughing because it gets more ridiculous the more I think about it. Seriously, I expect those who read this to roll their eyes and shake their heads along with me because of how genuinely silly it is.
Now as I said, my college friend and I are not on speaking terms. Right now, she's on the other side of the country attending grad school (in my hometown of Boston, of all places). But we reached this point in no small part because of me and my wonderful Yang just taking a great friendship and burning it to the ground.
That said, I found myself with a big problem. Since we're not on speaking terms, do I risk contacting her to at least convey the truth of the situation or do I just try to ignore it altogether and hope it snuffed itself out on its own?
Then something truly unexpected happened. She contacted me.
When I was a kid, one of my favorite shows to watch was called "Superstars" in which professional athletes from all sports came together to compete in a series of Olympic-style events and it always ended with an obstacle course.
I've never run one personally, and given my current physical condition, I'm not exactly Ninja Warrior material yet. But last weekend is about the closest thing I've come to running one in a while.
I talked to friends, sought advice, weighed the options and more importantly, I just sat down with my Yin and tried to figure out what to do. Sure, the Yang was there too, offering the usual sledgehammer tactics in a situation where subtlety and a calm head was necessary.
So I sat down at my laptop and hammered out what in reality was a badly-written email (in my defense, I was so freaking nervous I could barely think straight long enough to just get the damn words out), explaining the situation, offering some facts and clarity, then sent it off.
I didn't get a response, nor do I honestly expect to get one. I guess it's like that classic trope of two warring factions putting aside their grievances long enough to deal with a mutual threat. Once that battle is over, however, the likelihood is the factions will return to their sides and while coexistence was briefly possible, they're just not ready for that yet.
It definitely was not how I had hoped to reestablish contact, but I'd like to think I handled it as well as I could've under the circumstances. It wasn't perfect, but it's also a first step, and having watched my dear son get his feet under him as a baby, first steps are always small.
Ultimately, I know where I want things to be between us but I'm not ready to get there yet and I know that too. I don't see that as a personal slight either as much as I see it for what it is.
A goal at the end of a big obstacle course.
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