Passions

I came to a realization over the weekend which I find quite alarming.

There's a lot of things in this world which fascinate me and that I am passionate about, and for reasons that defy logic, I'm ashamed of that.

Off the top of my head, the list is long and somewhat distinguished:

Music
Movies
Books
Writing
Video Games
Astronomy
History
Philosophy
Travel
Photography
Cooking
Boxing
Fencing
Swords
Baseball
Cars
Culture
Anime
Art
Computers
Technology
Aircraft
Friends

Like I said, not a bad list, and while it may not be as comprehensive as it could be if I gave it more thought, I could probably add a good five or ten more.

There's also nothing I can see on that list that can be considered taboo or somehow inappropriate in "civilized" society. I also know there's a lot of people who like these things just as much as I do and have no inhibitions about it at all.

So why do I?

When I'm hanging out with my close friends, I'm perfectly fine getting into hardcore geek-fu discussions about all that stuff (so much so, we started a podcast about most of them last year. Here endeth the shameless plug.) But when it comes to meeting new people or engaging in casual conversation, when they start moving into any of these topics, my first impulse is to just clam up or else I risk opening my mouth and portraying myself as a colossal dork who knows so much trivial crap I will dominate the conversation and leave the other parties looking for the closest available exit.

This is going to sound incredibly flippant, and that is certainly not my intent, but it's the best analogy I can think of at the moment to define how I feel about it.

I feel like I'm in the closet when it comes to the things I'm really passionate about.

I know I shouldn't have to either, but for whatever reason, I've got it in my head that I can't like the same things everyone else does. Like somewhere along the way, I got disqualified from being part of such interests and that as soon as I do join in, they somehow become less "cool," because I'm now attached to them.

But I like them. A lot. I love talking, experiencing and learning about all these things and I shouldn't see that as a source of embarrassment, but rather as a point of pride.

I like the fact that I have such a wide range of interests and passions that fill my life. I would rather have that than find nothing interesting at all or being delusional and assuming I already know everything.

That would be a much more shallow existence, I'd think.