Introversion

I had a friend throw out a question earlier today which gave me some pause.

"Dear introverts," he asked. "How do we tell if you are fine, enjoying your solitude and don't want to be bothered or are you mad, isolated, struggling and want us to notice and ask how you're doing?
Is there some kind of sign you can give because it looks the same from here."

Now, a little background on my friend. He's a professional counselor and therapist, so to have him ponder this kind of question, when I expected he would already know the answer to the rhetoric because of his training, I found a bit funny.

I'm used to dealing with doctors and therapists who presumed they knew everything about people and therefore didn't need to ask. It's refreshing to see one not nearly so conceited.

I pondered it for a little while, trying to figure out how I as a now ironclad introvert, could define what he was asking. Here's how I see it, in terms of myself, at least.

It's an existence based on a dichotomy, because I've had many days where I find contentment in being secluded and left to my own devices while simultaneously wishing I could be around people and not just sit in my apartment. I've also had countless times where I wanted to talk to someone and tell them what I'm feeling or thinking, only to not because I'm either afraid to or are unsure of how to say those things.

It's also not a question of whether or not I want people to notice what I've got going on or if I need someone to talk to or hang out with. I've always wanted to be noticed and be given attention and affection as much as anyone else does, introverted or not. But I've also learned over the years to choose my words and what I convey very carefully when I'm talking with people for a basic reason.

I think most of them ask me how I'm doing out of a sense of politeness and general etiquette, not because they actually care or really want to know.

Not saying I'm right. It's just how I see it and have done so for a long time. Why waste someone's time when all they seem to want is the shortest answer possible?

So as a result, I developed the coping mechanism of just responding to the question, "How are you doing?" with the most vague two-word response I know of.

"I'm me."

In all honesty, it's because of that mindset that this little blog exists. It's one of the few places that I feel the most comfortable to open up and empty out whatever is simmering or boiling under my skin on a given day. If I didn't have this, I don't think it would be outside the realm of possibility to suggest that I wouldn't say much of anything to anybody.

It's because there seems to be another dichotomy at work where we're all expected to be social and friends with one another, while also being expected to handle problems entirely on our own and not bog down those around us in the process.