That was when I started arguing with the versions of people I hear in my head, because I was never able to talk to them and say what needed to be said.
I couldn't tell you precisely why I developed such a coping mechanism. It just kind of happened as the result of staying quiet when I should've been more vocal and never being sure enough in myself to say the right thing.
Most of the time, though, it's another chapter in the seemingly endless debate I have with my own conscience and emotions, over a wide range of issues and nothing is off-topic and the gloves are off.
I don't always know when it's going to happen, but if something is nagging at my mind long enough, it usually won't go away until I actually start physically talking to it. If I can't convince it to shut up that way, then it's probably going to be a long night.
I suppose now is the best time to say that it's not easy for me to admit to anything along the lines of "hearing voices in my head," or that I have for more than half my life. Holding to my position of being neither a doctor or an expert on how the mind works, I won't say I'm schizophrenic or anything like that.
Considering I'm cognizant enough to know the Earth is round, Carson City is the capitol of Nevada, and I am not entirely certain that whatever "higher power" that could exist in this world might be an omnipotent old man as much as it could be a flying spaghetti monster, my grip on reality is still far from completely untethered.
Even so, it's a coping mechanism I don't need any more, or at best, I need to replace it with something better. The problem with arguing with yourself instead of the people you should resolve things with is that it doesn't get you any closer to the actual truth of the matter.
It's still one side still disguised as two sides, because you're only filling in the pieces based on what you think you know. And nobody wins in those kind of debates.
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