Fairness

"You thought we could be decent men, in an indecent time! But you were wrong. The world is cruel, and the only morality in a cruel world is chance. Unbiased...Unprejudiced...

...Fair."

-Harvey Dent, The Dark Knight

Whether I want to admit it or not, life just is not fair, and that bothers me.

A lot.

It bothers me because it flies in the face of the conventional wisdom I learned growing up.

"All good things come to those who wait."
"Hard work pays off."
"The truth will set you free."

I could keep going, but the point is made. We hear these adages and axioms from our parents, grandparents, teachers and mentors our whole lives, and yet they are commonly disproved time and time again by one basic fundamental truth.

Sometimes, life just is. not. fair.

I have had more than my share of times where the reality of that truth has hit me broadside like a truck, and like anyone else, my first instinct is to get mad, then quickly try to figure out why the world seems so hell-bent on not just giving me what I want and screwing over some other poor schlep instead.

"Why do you have to keep reminding me of what I already know and for once, just this once, can I have the great cosmic coin flip come down my way?!" I ask. "I've earned it. I put in the work, made the effort, took responsibility, owned up to my faults, said my apologies and taken my lumps, so what the hell more do you want?"

Only I haven't earned it, which is why I feel so slighted and abused by the world. We all have our own distinct views of what is fair or unfair, and yet when we feel like we were cheated out of something we should rightly have, it is an actual physiological process in the middle of our brain that kicks in, and we get mad as a result.

I got reminded once again this week that no, life is not always fair. And it hit close to home because the perceived injustice caught me right in the heart. And yes, for a little while, I got downright good and mad about it.

But unlike how I'd deal with it in the past, which is to continue to be pissed off and grow more jaded about it, I had a moment today where something finally clicked.

I have no control in this scenario and trying to overexert a level of control will not give me what it is I ultimately want.

One of the things I've learned in Buddhism is that there are two ways to deal with the unfairness of the world. You can either A.) resist and not grow from it, or B.) use it as a means by which to set a direction so when and if the same opportunity comes up again, because you've evolved and not become so rigid in thought and behavior, the chances that maybe that great cosmic coin flip will come down in your favor actually changes.

The same is true in Taoism, which sees the struggle for control pitted against the ability to accept what is. The struggle between the two is what makes life interesting, and even though you don't win that particular game, on that particular day against that particular "opponent", you don't stop playing either.

So does this mean I'm going to give up? No. It means I need to keep going and see what comes at the end of the path ahead, for I don't know what's waiting over the next hill or what the next obstacle will be.

I just know what it is I want, and when and if I've reached the point where I've truly earned it, then I'll know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will have rightly and fairly won the flip.