When I started out on this mass reclamation/restoration/revitalization project it was with a singular focus. To finally figure out what was wrong with me in totality and take the steps necessary to eliminate entirely or correct the things I kept doing wrong.
I wanted to change and committed myself to the reality that if I put the work in and allowed myself to see things from differing perspectives and attitudes, that it was indeed possible.
I'd like to think I've been making progress, but such things aren't entirely up to me to decide. That said there's still things I need to work out, especially when it comes to my ever-increasing lack of social interaction and extreme reluctance to pursue anything resembling a romantic relationship. But one of the things I've also had to accept is that not everything I'm worried about is a character flaw or sign of emotional instability.
It can be very easy to break down everything that constitutes a person into "right" and "wrong" and in the process of sorting them out, one or two things mistakenly go in the wrong bin. Things like empathy, loyalty, devotion, drive, tolerance, acceptance...depending on your own point of view, those things can be considered a much of a curse as a blessing. It all comes down to what context you put them into.
Do I still have work to do? Yes, absolutely I do. I knew going into this that there is no such thing as a short-term solution so what has been a very long-term set of issues. But going forward, I think it's time for me to narrow the focus from the overall sum of me and to start being more specific about things which still concern me.
It's been two months and the work has been worth it, and even though there's been times where I've taken more than a step back a time or two, I'm still in a better spot now than I was when I started.
We'll see how things look when I get to 100.
No comments:
Post a Comment