I won't go into too much detail about it, but the crux was that I took the observation as another general indictment that men, as a species, are jerks because of how the domestic and professional distinctions between us and women exist and will likely continue to exist on some level long after I am dead and gone.
*Editorial Note - I'm not happy about that, mind you, which leads into the meat of this entry.
So I took exception with it and pointed out that, no, the observation is incorrect and a generalization which does not smack of any sort of humor that I am aware of. This led to the argument getting more heated, at which time, the following was recommended to me.
"Well, maybe it's time to knock that chip off your shoulder," my opponent said.
And that pissed me right off.
The funny thing about that term is I never really had a lock about the meaning of it. I thought it had more to do with internal self-image than having an external object to focus on. Turned out I was wrong, because as I understand it now, the term implies, "Holding a grudge or grievance which readily provokes disputation."
Same applies to the term, "Wearing your heart on your sleeve." This time, I was bit more on the mark in my belief that someone who fits the description readily shows their emotions and that can lead to volatility when provoked.
And if you look at my life and what it's been, it's not incredibly hard to see how both terms could apply to me. You don't go through episodes like mine and not develop some points where if someone says something that jabs at you, passive-aggressively or otherwise, it's going to get a rise out of you in some fashion.
In this case, a statement was made that called into question something I've heard my whole life and whether that person feels entirely justified in saying so or not, which they perfectly in their right to do, It didn't sit well with me because it was antithetical to everything I've tried to do as a man who despises the blanket definitions we put on each other every day.
I didn't see it as a joke. I saw it as an insult, and that is my problem, because it means I need to be willing to change my perspective once in a while and not be so narrow-minded. That said, I am also not wrong for being willing and able to express my disagreement with something a person says, should I find it to be both incorrect and insulting. Most of the time, I can roll with a punch if I know the person well enough and have a pretty good gauge on their temperament and demeanor.
But as someone who has been legitimately persecuted and degraded most of his life, (and not in a "War on Christmas" sort of way), as well as being extremely passive as a kid in terms of offering resistance to those who bullied or abused me, I learned over the years to turn the anger and aggressive need to defend myself into a reflex that I call on whenever I felt it was necessary.
So do I wear I heart on my sleeve?
You're damn right I do.
It's six inches below the whacking great chip on my shoulder.
No comments:
Post a Comment